So I was taking a shower and when I reached for the conditioner, it was basically empty. This is what sparked this bitter post…..
- Why is the conditioner empty? It’s because of my brother. This guy has like no hair - I’m sorry did your hair follicles that are half a centimeters in length, if that, need to be conditioned? Let me go ahead and answer that for you: NO. NO they did NOT.
- I wanted some ice cream yesterday, coffee specifically, so I go into the freezer and it’s not there. Of course I accuse my mother at first - because let me just tell you if you don’t eat or hide what you want to eat in this house, don’t expect to even get a taste of it because chances are my mama or my brother ate it. That is why I had to hide three bags of chips in the cabinets under the island next to the bags of rice. So okay, fine, no coffee ice cream, fine.
- I come back from working out and I like to drink chocolate milk after my workouts. I bought my own carton of chocolate soy milk (okay fine I used my mom’s money but I specifically selected that and put it in the cart) and I come home today and look through all the shelves in the fridge and then I ask my mom where it is and of course, of COURSE my brother drank it all. I only got to drink ONE GLASS OF IT. Let me just tell you this does not please me one bit.
- I go to dry my hair, and my hair drier has the little plastic thing that you clasp on the end where the air comes out that is shaped in a way to direct the air a certain which way, if anybody knows what I’m talking about… Anyway, as ALWAYS that thing is not attached to the hair drier, though I always leave it attached only to find that the next time I use it it is not, in fact, attached. First of all, why is my brother using my hair drier. This goes back to the first bullet, YOUR HAIR IS SHORT. If he runs back and forth a couple times that head of hair will be COMPLETELY DRIED. Second of all, which is even more puzzling, I once asked him why he has to take that plastic thing off. He tells me “when I get out of the shower it’s cold so I have to use the heat from this to dry me.” What. What? WHAT?!!!?!? Is this real life???!?!!!???!! I have no words.
- There are two sinks in the bathroom, one for my brother and one for me. I get the one next to the medicine cabinet, which is also a mirror. I’m brushing my teeth one day and I see scissors and short little hairs - because my brother likes to trim his facial hair. It’s like little pubes dancing along MY SIDE OF THE SINK. And guess who has to clean that up? ME, aka CINDERELLA apparently.
- Now looking back at these four points I realize that all of this is caused by one thing. My brother.
The BANE OF MY EXISTENCE, my brother, who eats all of my food and has a somewhat shaved head and facial hair that make him look like a cross between a beaner and a Chinese emperor.
This is my summer break.